FED UP by Neil Burns aka Neilcroft
(as requested by Lady Redhell. Your wish is my command. 
)
"Sorry, Lara," Derek Grant laughed as the Tyrannosaurus Rex ate the unfortunate tomb raider.
Actually, he was not sorry at all. Derek owned every single TR game that had come out and played them to the point
where he could clear every level with his eyes closed. However, he enjoyed "killing" Lara. So far, the unfortunate
raider had been shot, crushed, eaten, impaled, and drowned among other things. Derek had also gone through a
very nasty breakup with his ex-girlfriend, so Lara was the perfect foil. 'After all,' he thought, 'it's not like she's alive
or has any feelings'.
RIIIIINNG! RIIIIING! The kitchen telephone shook Derek out of his reverie.
"Well, that must be the pizza.' He saved the game and turned off the XBOX and television set. "Night, Lara. I'll see
you tommorrow."
As he left, Derek failed to notice the television set turn back on, followed by the XBOX. If so, he would have seen a very
pissed off tomb raider walk to the screen and glare murderously out. The next day, Derek came home from work and
turned on the TV to the E! Channel where "GIRLS NEXT DOOR" was on. In the episode, Hef and his ladies, Holly, Bridget
and Kendra, were planning a 1930's Murder Mystery Party. 'Always brings a smile to my face.'
"Hello, Derek Grant," The voice was a very familiar posh-accented alto.
Derek turned around and saw a very familiar figure, dressed in a very familiar black tanktop and shorts with black hiking
boots, leaning against the wall with her arms folded. Her chestnut hair was tied back in a very familiar French braid and
her narrowed chocolate eyes were set in features that formed a mask of controlled fury, save for a blood-dripping smile.
"Lara!" Derek exclaimed. "How--What--How are you here?! WHY are you here?"
"You know what they say about fictional characters taking on a life of their own," the tomb raider coolly replied, "As to
why I'm here, I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you."
"Which is?" Derek, though, had an inkling what it might be. Lara glanced at the TV and snorted in disgust.
"You know, I fail to see the appeal of an octogenerian pervert with his trio of empty-headed trollops. The only thing they
have going for them are their overly-large bosoms."
"Hello, Pot," Derek snorted, gesturing to Lara's own considerable assets, "meet Kettle."
"Right. I'm here because I am getting a little fed up with being 'killed' all the time. The first few times I understand. I
even forgive them. Either you were a novice or you were getting the hang of each new gaming system. But, day
after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after BLOODY YEAR! I have had it up to HERE!"
Lara raised her hand above her head to emphasize the point. Derek was still not convinced that a computer game
character was standing in the room with him.
"How could you?" he asked. "No offense, but you're a computer game character. You're not real."
Suddenly, Lara visciously grabbed his arm and savagely pinched it. Derek winced from the pain.
"Is that real?" the raider growled. She then slapped the gamer and jammed one of her guns against his head.
Derek suddenly felt his pants dampen. "Is THAT real?!"
"Christ, lady! It's just a fucking game! It's nothing personal!"
"NOTHING PERSONAL!" Lara shrieked, slapping him harder. "NOTHING PERSONAL! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S
NOTHING PERSONAL! Just because you break up with your bird. Just because you have a shitty day at work. Just
because your whole useless life is a bloody pig's breakfast! I have to suffer for it! I have to be the foil! I put up with
this shit for TEN BLOODY FUCKING YEARS! I HAVE HAD IT!!"
Derek walked over to the tomb raider and sympathetically embraced her, still shocked that a digitally-created woman
could feel so soft and warm. However, he fought a smile.
"Look, Lara," He smiled soothingly. "It's not like I just woke up one day and said, 'I know. Let's kill Lara! The folks
at EIDOS do that. They shoot the scenes with Allison Caroll or whoever else is playing you."
"Maybe," Lara gently slid out of Derek's embrace, "but most players try to keep me alive and get me through the
levels. They don't try to kill me on purpose."
"If it's any consolation, one of the EIDOS guys, Beard, admits to liking to 'killing' you as well."
"I already had a chat with him. It's you I wanted to talk to. Now I said I was fed up with being treated so shoddily.
So, either apologize and promise me you'll give me a fighting chance or you WILL suffer."
Suddenly, Derek found himself in a tropical forest surrounded by raptors. The lizards paid no attention as they raced
past him, trying to avoid a giant oncoming Tyrannosaurus Rex.
"OH, SHIT!!" Derek turned and began sprinting toward the temple in the distance. "You BITCH! What the fuck are you
doing?!"
"I wanted to see how you would handle this," Lara smiled sweetly. "Dear me, he looks hungry. I suggest you start firing
those guns you have."
"For God's sake! It's only a FUCKING GAME!"
"Exactly. Whether you die or not, is of no consequence. I can simply reset the game."
Derek frantically avoided being stomped on or swallowed up on his way to the temple which neared rapidly. The fact that
a certain tomb raider was laughing cruelly did not help matters.
"You're supposed to shoot it. Not run away. Dear me, Rex looks hungry."
Whatever retort Derek had died as again he avoided being nearly swallowed whole. He mentally thanked God that the
temple was in reach now and that he was his high school's sprinting and long distance champion for a reason.
"Are we having fun yet?" Lara sung sweetly. "Poor wittle baby doesn't wike the game now, does he?"
"FUCK YOU!"
Derek finally sprinted inside the temple just as the T-Rex's head crashed into the entrance, bringing down a good portion
of the structure on it's head, killing it instantly. Derek sat in the corner, giving silent thanks and pissing himself for the
second time in a half hour. Finally, he looked out of the screen.
"I was wrong."
"I'm sorry," Lara replied. "What was that?"
"I apologize for killing you for no reason and thinking you only a character with no feelings."
Derek found himself back in the living room. He immediately dropped to the floor and began kissing it in gratitude.
Lara watched this with a mixture of amusement and sympathy. When he got up, she placed a gentle fingerless-gloved
hand on his cheek.
"Now you know how I feel," she softly purred. "If I die, I die. It goes with the occupation. Just try to give me a chance to
make it through each level, okay?"
"Fine," Derek smiled. "Of course, you nearly walk off the edge of a cliff or nearly fall when I do try and save you. But
I promise to be nicer to you."
Lara kissed his cheek and left. As Derek touched his cheek, he wondered if he actually did see a computer game
character come to life in his living room or whether he simply dreamed it. Shrugging, he turned off the television and
lay down on the couch for a pre-dinner nap.
THE END
Ta-daa! 
First story by yours truly here. We like? All comments welcome and more are on the way. 
I am writing stories in the fiction section, starting with my first "FED UP". 
of meeting the ever-so-suave, ever-so-cool Horatio Caine. 
